Eat, Pray, Fat


monica cake
I used to be so slim and gorgeous. I should be so lucky really, and so grateful.  Just because I was young does not automatically grant me the right to be slim. I know people who have   struggled with their weight since they   were very young. But myself, I was under 7 stone in my first year of Uni and a size 6.  I wasn’t underweight or anorexic, I was just slim. I didn’t have   boobs or hips   or a butt of course.   Something that has way changed over the years.  I would be very sad without my juicy doubles don’t get me wrong, I just do miss the old waist line. I   know I’m not obese   or anything, but   being a size 12-14 is the biggest I have ever been, and I’m short, so it really only has one way to go – out!

The weight that I gained started with various medications. It’s quite scary how quickly it piles on. When I came off said medications, 2 stone fell off over about 3 months. I didn’t go the gym   or eat healthy, it just came off. I do get very frustrated with doctors who deny that anything they prescribe you can/will result in weight gain. Why the denial? The proof is in the pudding   (mm pudding. ) Also when it says in the side effects in tiny writing ‘weight gain’ – what’s the big secret? Sadly staying off what your doc prescribes you isn’t always an option.

It doesn’t help that I’m back to doing very mundane things – office life really sucks and I’m extremely bored. I’m sure loads of us feel this way. Apparently only 5% of us like our jobs and are actually doing what we want to. I wonder if those 5% are slim pieces of ass. I’ve been eating unhealthy since, well, the last 2 years?  Probably since I came back from LA.  I couldn’t afford food there which helped, ha. Also in hot climates it tends to decrease my appetite. But more than that – I was acting every day. I had movement classes with a teacher kicking my butt – and I loved it. I was active and mentally stimulated. I also had to walk 20 mins just to get to a tube station (it’s LA after all, if you don’t have a car then what the f is wrong with you. In my case – I didn’t have a car because I was an international student and not that flush.)  There is something to be said for mental stimulation. It was a very satisfying time. I was thinking more about what I was doing, than whether I was hungry. The food is awful in LA. Don’t believe the people who say it’s all healthy – I think the rich all have caterers. I had to go to a subway, just to get a salad, yeh I know.

When things suck, food is a pleasure. It actually releases endorphins, those bloody wonderful happy feelings. Everything  is shite but when I eat this cookie, things are a little less shite; that’s what your brain is thinking. Like everything, it’s a habit. Habits are hard to break. Humans are designed to have patterns, rhythms, habits. Breaking the cycle is trey difficult.


I read that cheese releases the same chemicals in the brain that crack does. And I can totally believe it. Give me a hit of cheddar damnit. I should have known. You forget what an English thing good cheddar is. I discovered that when I went to Italy and I wanted a baked potato with cheese. I went to the supermarket and they sold no such thing. Plenty of mozzarella and feta though (which I also love) but I was having this craving you see. It almost infuriated me. They also can’t do cheddar in the states – it’s this weird orange rubbery nonsense. But I digress. The point is that snacking feels good. Eating, feels good. It’s no excuse, I know. There’s a hilarious moment in Friends, where Phoebe is dating this psychologist, Roger, I think it’s series 1 or 2, and he says to Monica whilst she’s eating a cookie  ‘remember Mon, it’s just food, it’s not love.’ It’s a hilarious moment that we can all sympathise with.  I have to disagree though Roger, it IS love.  Food is my best friend. It feels great. I love it. CAN I MARRY THIS CAKE?



I think the obvious thing to do is change the mindset towards food but my god it’s difficult. You know when you are watching your fave netflix show and you think what would make this better? SNACKS! (Remember than meme with that demonic child? Yeh, we’ve all been there!)  Before you know it, you’re knee deep in popcorn and crisps. I mean I heard a friend was. I NEVER do that.

I’ve been cutting carbs on my sister’s  advice, (she’s in great shape) for the last 2 weeks, and I must say it does seem to be making a slow difference. I allow myself a carb for breakfast as this is the trickiest meal to avoid. Oats, toast, it’s all carbilicous. This morning I had the most gorgeous cinnamon bagel…mm. Then for lunch I have been having chicken and salad. For dinner, it’s another protein (fish)  and veg. I actually haven’t had crisps in 2 weeks and that’s unheard of, but your body does adapt. The cravings have stopped, and is it wrong that that disturbs me? Me and crisps were a thing but whatever. We aren’t over though, when it comes to crisps i’ll always have that weakness. Of course another obvious thing to do is up my exercise, but so far only going swimming once a week and it’s not enough. I know, need to kick my arse. If I was exercising all the time I could probably eat what I wanted. But the fact is that I’m not doing it enough, so have to accommodate that.

I would really love lipo in all honesty.  Just on the tum. If I could afford it I would seriously consider it. Although the procedure itself seems grotesque and is the equivalent on your body of being hit but a bus. I realise that makes me sound like a lazy bitch but hey, all the famous people do it! Oh yeh but Kanye West’s mum died having it done so yeh prob not the best option..

Eating right is a discipline. But it helps if you are stimulating your mind, and then the gut usually follows – in all ways.  I’m working on it.


What do you guys do to keep it in check? As ever, love to hear your opinions.

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