The Hacker in the Rye

So, Jennifer Lawrence et all have been hacked.

And it’s the naked pics.

What else? Of all the things to hack? Why couldn’t it have been what really went on at Area 51, or the whereabouts of Lord Byron, or what REALLY happened to Amelia Earhart (sabotage??! – this has fascinated me for years). THINK of the potential. This probably took the hacker a good while of planning too. Think of what could have been revealed… but no. It’s something so base.


It happens to be nude selfies, that ‘celebs’ have taken in the privacy of their own homes, for either themselves, or a romantic interest. Way to go hacker, great job.

It kinda makes me want to find the hacker, take a picture of his tiny penis (let’s be honest, this WILL be a bloke, and a sad one at that) and put *that* on the internet, so we can all have a look at that. And he can shrivel up inside, like I’m sure these women have, upon being exposed in such a way.

It’s much more interesting when someone hacks things that have meaning, that we have all been wondering about – and why the whole Wikileaks thing was so potent. I’m not condoning hacking of course (some of us have jobs) But at least *that* had a message. What’s the message here? Some celebs have taken naked pics of themselves, gasp, and now you can all see them. Hmm.

What makes this all worse for the women hacked, has been the vitriol thrown their way. So much so, that even Emma Watson has felt compelled to address it. What’s the motivation behind mud slinging them? What exactly is their crime? This is just adding insult to injury. These people need to shut up. I’m sorry, but he who hath not ever taken nude pics of yourself, cast the first stone please..


We even have Ricky Gervais weighing in with the tweet basically saying that if you have a nude picture of yourself on your computer, you have asked for it.

Of course Gevais doesn’t take pictures of himself naked – he’s kinda gross. He would make himself sick, let alone anyone else. Also even if he DID. No-one, but no-one, wants to see that.


Unlike Jennifer Lawrence who is sculpted perfection. Really JLaw, I wish I could have a chat with you and tell you that you have NOTHING to worry about – that you are glorious and that while this IS a shitty thing, and certainly a violation of your privacy, at least you can hold your head up high and go – you know what? I look banging. No unflattering pics there.


Now, people like Gervais need to just hush up. Why shouldn’t people in the public eye be naked in their own homes?  Why not? are celebs not human? Do they not bleed? Who hasn’t done this in a relationship? You’ll be lying if you said no.. Are we we meant to think of those in the public arena as not occupying the same space as us? Should they be saintly because they have been afforded a rather pleasant and luxuriant lifestyle? They are people.


Hell, even if you do it for yourself, to appreciate yourself. That’s your choice. I never use the cloud. I always thought it was bollocks and now I think that even more so. This hacker, undoubtedly has issues, and while he may think what he did has taken skill, it actually just proves that the cloud is not secure. If Jlaw and MEW and the Upton chick had taken those pics on a Kodak and given the pictures to a friend or lover, the only way to get those photos would be to get it from said lover – it wouldn’t be out there in the ether. It would be her negatives, and the hard copies. The hacker’s ‘prowess’ would be useless in that situation.


So yes, you are going to look, it has popped up everywhere – and I’ve looked myself. But it just made me appreciate what a goddess she is,  I mean really beautiful… and how I seriously need to just eat celery, and do more push ups. From now until.. ooh 2015? That or save up for lipo.


JLaw, I salute you.


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